FROM LOST TO THE RIVER

KARATE A MUERTE EN TORREMOLINOS

(The Extrasensorial Experience)

Have you ever think about doing a film with your buddies? Well, I´m sure if you would do it, it will be a thousand times better than this piece of rubbish. The storyline is simply ridiculous: a mad doctor called Dr. Malvedades, invoke four stinky zombie-ninjas in order to resurrect Jocántaro, a thousand-year-old beast (made of cardboard and plastic) who sleeps in the beaches of Torremolinos. And in order to achieve his goal, he must kidnap five young stupid ladies and pull out five human hearts. One of the stupid young girls, is Danuta, the insatisfied girlfriend of Jess, the dumbest of the movie. Jess, his friends of the catholic surfer´s club (a nun, a priest, a hippie, and a catholic ninja) with a famous karateka called chuck lee and a stupid mentalist of Torremolinos TV, are the main heroes of this wreck. These crew of cowards, invoke the Master Miyagi´s spirit, who will help them to stop the mad doctor with the worst karate movements I have seen in my life.

The main actor´s performances are sadly awful because they are amateur actors, or friends of the director. The setting seems the village of “chiquito de la calzada” and the gore scenes, only causes laughter. The script and the direction, are atrocious; my dog could do a better work with a toy-camera. The scene of Jocantaro scaring people in the beaches of Torremolinos at the end of the film, it´s quite marvelous as the end of Coppola´s “Apocalypse Now”. But relax, all this absurdity, with characters like “Subcomandante Bermuda” or “Matías Pollo”, and special effects made with cow´s guts, have a good side, and it´s that when you would have grandsons, you will be able to tell them proudly: “I saw the worst movie in the world ever”.

The best:
The soundtrack is pretty cool if you like listening to the ramones.
The shameless chicks.
The movements of Jocantaro (if you don´t laugh, you´re not human)
The joint´s fever of Master Miyagi.
The phrase "hijos de la puta" of Chuck Lee.


The worst:
The script. (written by Godzilla) The cast.
In a nutshell, all the movie. If you can, avoid this movie at all costs.
Pay for it.


Warning!! If you really want to see this piece of rubbish, do it with your friends, completely drunk and smoking joints. Luckily, you won´t remember it when you wakes up!

Carlos, this is the last time I believe you. ¬¬

By Carlos & Chema

ELIAS GO HOME

METALLICA RULES

Trailer Karate A Muerte En Torremolinos